It feels like I’m working hard at the moment.

Of course that doesnt necessarily mean that Im doing more work than any other time, but it feels like heavy going. In fact, you could argue that Im hardly working at all – Im well ahead with my main work at the moment (as a booking agent in stand up comedy) and have relatively little to do on that score just now.

Consequently, Im seizing the opportunity to spend some quality time progressing my music career which, altho it doesnt currently make me any money and so usually takes a back seat compared to paid work, is something I am very passionate about. The strength of my motivation to succeed in music is a good thing I think – without it I’d have very little chance of making any headway amongst the (literally) millions of other musicians in the world today.

Im finding myself pretty stressed tho, so alongside my musical and promotional efforts I’m doing some spiritual work – that is, trying to maintain perspective, bring to my efforts a lightness of touch, trust in the process and hang loose to the outcome and recognise that doing whats important to me matters more than whatever the results of those efforts might be.

Examining my motivations also helps – when Im acting out of a pure desire to create, develop and share I feel positive and enjoy myself whereas when Im feeling stressed and worried, looking “underneath the bonnet” often reveals egoistic efforts to create financial security or gain reputation and success for my own benefit.

As with all things, its not easy finding the right balance and its all too easy to be self critical – setting arbitrary standards for myself and then feeling bad for not meeting them seems to be a favourite of mine.

Maybe this is a stage Im going through where my musical career feels like its scrabbling for a foothold in my life and once its more properly established as an equal partner alongside my comedy work, perhaps I can relax a bit more.

Or have I just set myself another arbitrary standard again..?

Anyway, thats all for now, I better get back to work

Is there anything in your life that you’ve found to be intrinsically good, or truly, ultimately satisfying?

My analysis of my own experience suggests that actually no one thing is capable of providing lasting and genuine satisfaction,  which is why I think that as a society its vital we allow people the freedom to choose their own destiny and as individuals, we each take responsibility for finding out what balance of which factors really works for us.

Have you had any experience of committing yourself fully to something or someone only to find that it didnt deliver the satisfaction you sought, or have you any experience to share of balancing the right factors in your life?

I had a bit of a thought whilst meditating today – I suppose you could call it a vision in fact, since it was visual in nature, tho that conjures up all sorts of weird connotations.

I was imagining peeling off rusty plates of armour from a figure that had been buried a long time in the ground, gradually peeling off layer after layer and revealing what was underneath.

Im seeing the “self” as an encrustation of responses that have turned into defense mechanisms, perceptions that have ossified into beliefs and tendencies that have petrified into habits.

Coated in this fixed layer of solidified self, the being inside the armour has become mired in the morass of the society around it. Elements of the dense atmosphere has adhered to the surface of the armour, reinforcing its strength and further separating the being inside from the reality that surrounds it.

Sinking further into the turgid ground beneath it, the figure has become embedded and trapped, its movements gradually decreasing until it has become entombed and motionless, its potential for growth lying dormant inside.

Now the figure has been discovered and exhumed, the process begins of peeling off the surface to find what lies beneath – a simple being of infinite light, an indefinable process of energy and becoming.