As well as having challenge from some of those around me, I feel I also challenge myself quite a bit. I’m not willing to settle, rather I have a strong determination to do the best I can do, be the best I can be.
I find it takes some wilful effort sometimes to break through a barrier to a new level of engagement and commitment. I see it a bit like riding a bike, sometimes you have to pedal hard to get uphill, sometimes you get to coast for a whiile, enjoying the momentum you’ve generated
I think its as important to acknowledge and value this stage of the journey for what it is, as it is to recognise that this is just a stage and the journey is ongoing and incomplete.
This isn’t to deny that wilfulness and goal orientation isnt an issue for me, balanced effort is something I seek, but dont always attain. Part of the issue is self love (or lack of) – a residual feeling that I need to prove myself or demonstrate my value in order to feel loved or accepted. I guess its about filling that void that we all seem to experience to some extent.
As well as that though there’s a strong sense that we’re in it together, connected, indeed never truly separate and thats its ok to be who I am now and even better to journey forward to ever higher horizons. For the good!